Hotdog Pants!

"I was really colic-y today at school."
~Joel (before realizing what he just said)

"Wow, you guys are going to grow up to be those middle aged women hired to be in laugh tracks who laugh louder than all the rest."
~Kevin

" 3. A hot dog pants________.
A. because..."
~A quiz question in physics. ...it took me a while to realize that this wasn't talking about a pair of pants with hotdogs on them.

Quotes

"Very GOOD, Dale! Articulation and diction are good!"
~Joel, teasing my sister in the car for acting silly.



"Always a flowergirl, never a ...flower."
~Hannah

Joel Quote

Walking down the quiet, dim hallway of our Kansas City hotel, Joel suddenly pulled me aside, frantically whispering, "Disembodied voices of the undead descend upon us from the dark abyss!" I chuckled when, after a few more steps, a cart of towels rounded the corner followed by a few cleaning ladies talking quietly to each other.

It's no wonder Joel got the lead role in the fall play this year!

Quotes: August 09

Grace: "Man, I haven't seen you guys in a while."
Dad: "But you've been home, we see."
Grace: "Oh. Did I leave a light on?"
Dad: "No, but we found a black pizza in the still-on toaster oven."

"'When I fall off a bike the thing that hurts the worst is my pride,' Said the man sounding like the Brady Brunch dad 'Yeah right!" I thought.'"
~Joel Page

Last night, my friend Mirtill showed me pictures before bed. They were of ice skating and a trip to Vienna during Christmas season to look at all the shops. I began to fall asleep at pictures of a nephew napping, and realized how tired I was. I went right to bed without changing my clothes, brushing my teeth, or going to the bathroom.
I dreamed I was in a mall on the river, talking to my little brother Joel about the most evil wizard. "Well, if he ever asked about your wand, you would have to lie to make him not interested. Don't let him know it's one of the most magical wands in the world, but say you picked it yourself off of an old elf tree."
There was a random scene to my dream when I was on the side of a narrow, crowded street driving a mini-van. The windows were icing up because it was snowing lots, and there was a team of police men walking around just to help people clean their cars.
Then I was in a shop by the river trying to buy a towel, and my mom got tired of waiting for me and left. Before I could follow her out, I became a grown woman with curly blond hair.
A viking jumped out of nowhere and tried to capture me. I hit my head against the ground, and was out of it.
I came to, face down on the floor of a stage, in a dress of all white. The viking was marrying me, and asked if I would be his lawfully wedded wife. "Say yes, say yes, Mommy!" It was my own daughter, a year older than when I last saw her, standing in a pew.
I realized that I had been out-of-it for a whole year, all because of this man. I grabbed a very spiky candlestick and got to my feet. The viking drew his sword, and I used my weapon to cut off the tip. The best man screamed and came towards me from behind, but I wasted no time, and dropped the candlestick on the floor, while using my foot to jam it through his feet. He screamed again and fell to the floor. I managed to steal the Viking's sword and stabbed him through his face.
It was years later, and I was the teenage daughter of this woman. I had a little brother now, and the three of us were coming home to our lovely home right off the beach. We went to the back porch to look into the ocean, and my little brother crawled into my mother's lap. "She just gets really moody sometimes..." my mother was explaining to my little brother. Me?! I don't get moody! I sighed an exasperated, teenage sigh and stomped back into the house, proving my mother right.
In the living room, I looked at the pictures above our mantle, pictures of my mother before her "wedding." She kept them, maybe because they are her only record of having lived that year after the viking knocked her out. The porcelain frame held three photos, and was labeled "Bridesmaids." The first was of a strange woman with curly dark hair, trying her best to smile while my mother made a gross face at her. The second was of the woman kissing my mom on the cheek while she made a face and pushed away the way a toddler would. The third was of the dark-haired woman, sitting on a bed, shrugging as if to say, "I have no idea where the bride wandered off to."
Suddenly, a voice behind me caused me to gasp. I turned around, and it was the most evil wizard! When he asked where my mother was, I thought back to earlier in the dream, when I talked to Joel about lying to stay safe. I told him she was out, and wouldn't be back for a while. Of course, at just that moment, my mother and brother walked along the beach past the huge window of our living room. The most evil wizard made a triumphant noise/exclamation, and shot through the bottom part of our wall on his stomach. Our house was full of water, but it instantly started draining out of the hole he created.
My bladder was too full to let me see what happened next. I woke up.

Dream #2

I skipped school one day to go to a carnival at a town out in western Kansas.
I got to the fair and began to have a good time. I was leaving a tent, when I heard people panicking. "The lion's loose! The lion's loose!"
I had to find a place to hide! The mummy was loose! I went into the Women's bathroom tent. There were about twenty stalls all facing outwards. Mummies moved slow, so I figured it would be smartest to run to the back of the tent until I knew which way he was coming from, and I could run around the other side. When I peeked to see which way he was coming from, he was suddenly right in front of me! I ran into a stall to hide, but the mummy was RIGHT behind me! I turned to face him and said what I was thinking at the moment, which was:
"You know, you're pretty fast for a mummy... (then I had an idea) You know... you're pretty cute for a mummy!"
He was flattered. He wrung his hands while he shrugged his shoulders and drew in the dirt floor with his mummified foot.
"Why don't we go on a date next Friday!" I suggested, anything to get him to leave me alone.
It worked! he left me and I escaped into another tent.
As I looked for a place to hide, I overheard the town mayor listening to a frustrated woman. "I don't see how you people can spend so little on the rest of the fair, when you're paying way too much to rent a fake mummy!
"Little does she know!" I thought, as I found a room to hide in. In the middle of the room, sitting in a dentist chair, was... "Tim! I'm so glad to see you; you have no idea!" I said, walking over to him. All my worries about the mummy disappeared!
... that is, until I noticed that Tim had some cobwebs on him. As suddenly as my memory came back, Tim vanished, and was replaced with my greatest fear: The mummy! and boy he was angry! He knew I had tricked him. I ran out of the tent, but being a fast mummy, he had already ran around the tent and was waiting for me on the other side of the canvas.
I was totally trapped, so I did the only thing I could do; I prayed that God would save me. And he did! In the form of Joel Wasserstein.
He hopped out from behind the corner of the tent, striking a pose.
"Thank you BERRY MUNCH!" he shouted, throwing a certain type of cereal at the mummy.
The mummy exploded and turned into a bowl of cereal.
He threw another couple pieces at the ground and they too became bowls of cereal. We picked up the bowls of cereal and retired to a nearby picnic table where we, and someone else enjoyed our cereal.

Dream #1

Early last Sunday morning, I woke up, puked out all my insides, and went upstairs to finish my night's sleep on the couch. My dad was already awake (of course) and as I began to fall asleep I remember thinking "I should let Daddy know that Joel's breaks might need looked at..."
And then my dream began.
Joel was driving happily in his silver Ford FestivaWhen a line of young ladies, no wait, young girls were walking across the street, on their way to be finished into eligible young ladies. Joel didn't really hit them... but he went to court anyway.

Who should his lawyer be? None other than Bertie Wooster from "Jeeves and Wooster"
"I say! My client is not responsible for..."
My attention was drawn away as the judge called out in a booming voice "Mrs. Thunderstorm to the stand!"
My own mother was sitting in the witness booth with a stern look on her face, not saying a word.

Why?

It seemed only right to make my first post about Why?
Why start a second blog?
Well, I had always wanted to make a blog simply of quotes I hear during the day, but never got around to it.
I also wanted to keep track of all the crazy dreams I've had, and I do have some crazy ones.
It just occurred to me that between these two topics, I could keep a blog well-updated, and here it is!
These are all dreams from my head, or things I hear.